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8 Myths About Adoption
The following are eight common myths about adoption. Recognizing the myths and replacing them with correct information will help you to determine what is best for you and your child.
Myth 1: Birthparents who care about their child would never consider adoption.
You may think that if you consider adoption for your child that you are a cold, uncaring, selfish person. Maybe you're afraid others will think you don't love your child. In fact, women who make adoption plans for their children are among the most courageous, for they put their child's needs first. Choosing to place your child with a family that can provide a stable, loving home is an act of love and sacrifice, not an act of abandonment.
Myth 2: Birthparents will never know anything about the adoptive family or their child in the following years.
Today, the sharing of information is very common. As birthparents, you can help to develop an adoption plan that has the degree of openness you want.
Myth 3: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy.
You may feel that your consequence for being sexually active or for becoming pregnant is to parent your child. Just because you got pregnant does not mean that you are ready to be a parent. Planning what is best for your child is a responsible act.
Myth 4: A birthparent will forget about the child released for adoption.
If you believe you must forget your child when you choose adoption, your decision will be very hard to live with. If you make an adoption plan for your child, you will not forget your child. You will remember your pregnancy, your baby's birth, and those precious hours or days shared with your child in the hospital. When you remember, you'll want to feel that you made the most loving, mature, and selfless decision possible, given your circumstances.
Myth 5: All adopted children grow up to have serious psychological problems.
Perhaps you have heard that adopted children have serious problems with drugs, alcohol, personal relationships, and mental illness. Research does not support this misunderstanding. Studies show that:
- Adopted and non-adopted children are similar in frequency of adjustment disorders, delinquency, and mental illness.
- Adopted teenagers are as emotionally stable as non-adopted teenagers.
- Adopted individuals do not have more family problems than non-adopted people.
Myth 6: Birthparents will have emotional problems if they choose adoption.
Some birthparents view adoption negatively because they fear they will never recover emotionally. Some are afraid of "having a mental breakdown." You will grieve the loss of your child and that grief can be painful. However, the ability to grieve is a sign of good mental health, and healing will come.
Myth 7: A child doesn't really need a father.
Studies show that children benefit from having positive, nurturing parents who can provide both positive male and female role models. Two-parent families - where fathers take their responsibilities seriously and parents support each other - can be vital to a healthy childhood and strong family. Relationships, self-esteem, and achievement all can be positively affected when a child is able to grow up in a two-parent, loving home.
Myth 8: No one can love a child as much as the birthmother can.
Good parenting is a matter of unconditional love and acceptance, consistently nurturing and caring in a way that puts the needs of the child first. Adoptive parents love their children as much as if they had given birth to them.
Reprinted from A is for Adoption, Bethany Christian Services, 1998.